What are your Top 5 movies of all time?
The Naked Gun movies are my all time favorites (or favourites if you prefer watching the British versions). There’s not been any movie as funny since, but I’m fixing that by writing scripts for the Awful Truth books. I would tell you which megaselling author is going to direct, produce, edit, film and star in them, but I’ve signed an NDA with Disney. We’re looking for someone to play Como, so if you are a 7ft, 400LB black actor who doesn’t mind co-starring with a complete idiot then please get in touch.
What’s the strangest thing anyone’s ever asked you?
People are always asking me if I ghost write books for lesser authors, like JKR or Stephen King. How ridiculous. These people don’t seem to understand that the whole point of ghost writing is I’m not meant to tell anyone. Barney would kill me if I gave the game away.
What fictional world would you most want to live in? Which fictional world would you NEVER want to visit?
Clarkesville County is the perfect place to live. It’s got everything. An amazing literary scene. Fantastic shoreline. Some of the best skiing in America. A great bar and diner. The world’s friendliest police force. Bizarre criminal conspiracies every other year. Best of all, you can drive there from New York in hardly any time because the N66, being a fictitious route, is completely free of traffic.
The one part of Clarkesville County I would never want to visit if I could help it is the Hacienda Apartments. I once had a traumatizing experience there with a pooping parrot and some cookies. Eeughh. I feel ill just typing about it.
What inspired you to become a writer?
My Damascene moment was when I realised no one else was likely to invent me as a character so I better write myself myself.
What book is on your TBR list or on your nightstand currently?
My attention is currently entirely occupied by just two books…
Crisis, Identity and Delayed Cognitive Metataxis: Trends in Post-Postmodernism Vol XXIII, Tiny Fox Press, New York, 1,481pp.
Great Jokes in French Literature, Larousse, Paris, 3pp.
What’s your writing routine?
I always type with my right forefinger. I’ve tried some of the others, but it gets very confusing. I feel most creative early in the morning, particularly on Spring days. I do all my best work at 06:38 on 1st April.
My output becomes very dreary and predictable in the evening, so it’s a perfect time for my hush-hush ghost writing.
When I’m writing my own books, I have two golden rules. I never think ahead—in fact I never think at all if I can help it—and I never go back to change or edit anything.
Little is known of Marco Ocram’s earliest years. He was adopted at age nine, having been found abandoned in a Detroit shopping mall—a note, taped to his anorak, said the boy was threatening the sanity of his parents. Re-abandoned in the same mall a year later, with a similar note from his foster parents, he was homed with his current Bronx mom—a woman with no sanity left to threaten.
Ocram first gained public attention through his bold theories about a new fundamental particle—the Tao Muon—which he popularized in a best-selling book—The Tao Muon. He was introduced to the controversial literary theorist, Herbert Quarry, who coached Ocram in a radical new approach to fiction, in which the author must write without thinking—a technique to which Ocram was naturally suited. His crime memoir, The Awful Truth about the Herbert Quarry Affair, became the fastest selling book of all time, and made him a household name. It was translated into every known language—and at least three unknown ones—and made into an Oscar-winning film, a Pulitzer-winning play, a Tony-winning musical, and a Golden Joystick-winning computer game.
Ocram excelled at countless sports until a middle-ear problem permanently impaired his balance. He has yet to win a Nobel Prize, but his agent, Barney, has been placing strategic back-handers—announcements from Stockholm are expected imminently (and it might not just be physics and litera-ture). Unmarried, in spite of his Bronx mom’s tireless efforts, he still lives near his foster parents in New York.
Be sure to check out his website at: www.theawfulauthor.com
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